Several weeks back, i once made a post on facebook about getting angry at video games. during that i mentioned that there are games that make me mad, even though i really like them, and one of the ones i mentioned is team fortress 2. For those that aren't video game savvy, team fortress 2 is a team based online first person where 2 teams, consisting of 9 classes , fight one another in different types of matches. Though simple sounding, the game is known for it's balanced gameplay and weapon system, goofy and tongue and cheek sense of humor, and chaotic and over the top fights. The game has struggled to stay afloat up until now, having being 8 years old right now, and has now since garnered aspects of it that's easy to ridicule (people caring about dressing up their classes, most of the community consisting of stupid, gullible kids and condescending douchebags among other things), the game itself is a lot of fun to play.
It's also the only game i've played that has pissed me off the most.
There are a lot of games out there, all with various levels of difficulty. There are those that are laughably easy, some that have that balance of being challenging, but fair, and then there the kind of games that make you want to burn your whole house down. TF2 is different because how the game plays out how well you play the game as well as how good the people are when you are up against them. It depends since this can be random at times, one minute you'll have a good ol' time. Then you quickly notice that the opposing team is a whole lot better than you and you have no choice but to either try your damn best and play against or continuously get your ass served to you by these better players, over and over and over again.
I get that anyone that reads this either has never played TF2 or even have never heard of it up until now, but hear me out with this.
There are video game obsessions i get every now and then, a game that i would play almost every day because i love it that much, the last game i played constantly before TF2 was borderlands. It was no different with TF2, except i was playing it EVERYDAY, i'd say up to roughly 10 hours, i was completely into the game that much. While i had times where i would have a blast playing the game, trying out different weapon load outs for my classes, getting a lot of kills, and so forth, i would also have times where i start the game feeling good and end the game feeling drained and fucking miserable. I would have times where i would say to myself, "why the fuck do i play this fucking game?" This game has made me feel emotions, made me conjure up thoughts, that no game has made me feel before. Cursing, harsh name calling, pounding on my chair, you name it. Most games had me feeling frustrated, this brought out my inner hulk.
Now on the flip side however, despite all that i have mentioned even with all that in mind, i never went into the chat or voice call to do all this. I never turned on my mic just to rage endlessly nor insult ones personal being mostly because their were better at the game then i was. Even at my most negative state, i still remained almost rational and logical. Almost.
At this point you'd think that maybe this game wasn't meant for me if it made me feel this badly, and while you're not wrong for thinking that, i have said that i like this game and i have had fun playing. Yet because i was wasting way too much time playing this game, ignoring all the other games i have in my whole collection (and not doing anything much else productive, yeah), all for a game that has given me mixed feelings at best and horrible ones at worst is why i stopped playing this game.
Rest assured, i don't see myself as the type of person to get mad at a video game and stay mad at a video game. I don't try to take them so seriously, i mellow out and get over them quickly. I can also acknowledge times where i completely fuck up and have gotten myself killed. Yet the fact that i play this game so damn much and, at times, have made me feel that badly after a while, shows that i can't keep going on feeling like this. I really do feel ashamed that come off like that guy when i don't want to. It also doesn't help that this is all about a game that have so many things about that i really do like, but god damn, this game tends to bring out the worst in me, sometimes when it tries not to.
I just started this blog of mine recently and this is already my most personal one so far and i don't expect a lot of people to see how i feel as i am typing all this out. Just see it as a guy venting, letting off all that frustration, a guy with his own issues pretty much.
Whelp, time to go off and find my newest obsession.
*EDIT 5/10/2015*
So almost a week after i posted this, i decided to go back and re-install TF2 cause even with all the frustration and crap it mad me feel in the worst of times, i still had fun playing it, going through the various types of weapons and trying out different loadouts for each of my classes and all that stuff. So with my 6 day long vacation from TF2 out of the way, i was welcomed back with most of the same. Yeah i did get mad, but never violently enraged and i tried to play the game as less as possible.
So why am i writing this now? Well last night when i was having another go at the game i did the one thing i tried not to do no matter how upset i go while playing. I talked about before how not matter what, i tried to act rationally and not go into the chat or turn my microphone to go on a vile, insult spouting hate speech for everyone in the server to see/hear. I tried my damn best to never do that no matter how bad the game was going and i couldn't handle it. I broke that self made rule of mine last night.
Yes, i was so enraged that i turned on my mic and what came out of me made me sound like one of satans minions suffering from a bad bowel movement. I never turn my mic on during times like this cause it'll make me look like a joke afterwords. The fact that i did is one of the biggest mistakes i have ever made.
For that, i've thought about it and i realize that something like TF2 just isn't for me (took a long time to figure that one out, i know). As stated, i tend to see myself as a fairly mellow person and while i have gotten mad at video games, i've never gotten visibly shaken and fist pounding enraged before. Take that however you can about me if you think i'm some has been that takes games too seriously or not, whatever. At this point, this shouldn't be a thing that i don't want to go through ever again and yes, i uninstalled TF2, again, and i hope this lasts longer than a week.
I don't want to try and, unintentionally or not, repeat anything else i might state or even repeat the same asinine mistake over and over again. To put it so, if a game like TF2 makes me feel this horribly, then it's a game i should just avoid. I don't regret downloading and playing the game since there's so much about it i really like, i just regret not dealing with this more maturely then i should of.
Oh and happy mothers day.
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